one word for 2019

oh 2018, you were a YEAR. 

While there was so much good that happened this year, I honestly can't say I'm sad to see it go. 2018 has been one of the most challenging years for me in a long time. My word for last year was sustain. I remember landing on this word this time last year with the best of intentions. I started a lot of new things in 2017 (most notably perhaps a new job and a business in the span of a month- phew!) and I really wanted to dive deeper into those things this past year and focus on getting them to a healthy place before starting anything new. 

What I failed to realize is what an active word sustain is. What started out as an intention to slow down and dive deep into what mattered quickly turned into a lot of striving and pushing to make things happen. A lot of scrambling, if I'm being honest. And a TON of hard work. Honestly, I worked harder this year (in many ways) than I ever have before. Unfortuantely, I worked hard trying to "sustain" things that were often out of my control and the result is that I am no where near where I'd hoped to be at the end of this year. 

In addition to this, I often felt this past year that I was sabotaging some of my happiest moments- by not being present, by allowing my anxieties to get in the way of my joy. (Thanks to Brene Brown's excellent book Daring Greatly this is a tendency I've been cautiously aware of in myself for a little while now. More on that here, if you're interested)

So as I began thinking through a word for this next year I was very aware that a few things need to change. First of all, for the past few years I've chosen verbs as words and this was the first obvious shift for me. This year I really want a word that focuses less on what I can do and more on who I am. I want a word I can really crawl inside, inhabit and be (not to be overly dramatic here...) 

So moving forward, my word for 2019 is whole. In a personal sense I want to re-connect with who I am and focus on getting myself into a more healthy mind space, on being my "whole" self, if you will. I'd like to confront some of my anxieties (and areas of avoidance) head on and really deal with them. Practically I'm planning to focus on both my physical and emotional health and have a few ideas I'm excited to move forward with. I'd love to focus more on "whole" foods, or plant based eating, as well as learning to embrace the fact that I'm a WIP and that there's beauty in that whole process of becoming more fully who we are. I am hoping to use the word to explore deepening my connection to the planet and have a few concrete goals on how our family can continue learning how to treat it with a little more kindness.

And finally, from a business perspective, I'm excited to work on building a foundation for us moving forward by really looking at the whole picture, and not being bogged down by the every day challenges that go with running a business. Honestly, I think this was what I was aiming for with last years word but I went about it in all the wrong ways. I'm thankful for the chance this year to experiment, to get a few things wrong and to learn these valuable lessons and can't wait to apply them moving forward. 

Of course this past year wasn't all bad- there were some seriously wonderful moments, very valuable lessons learned, and memories I'll honestly cherish for years to come. I feel like much of this year was about exploring. We traveled a ton, mostly in connection to our Canadian summer, but we also took a few trips around Germany and of course, visited Iceland. I experimented with learning a few new crafts and took several workshops (both online and otherwise) which was one of my goals at the beginning of the year. And we tried a whole bunch of different things with r&s yarn (with varying degrees of success, but always with equal amount of heart). 

All in all, I feel quite grateful looking back. And relieved to be moving forward. Wishing you all the best for 2019. 

Some of the year's highlights include: 1) our mini vacation to kick off the year in North Germany with our best friends 2) a wonderful week-long visit from my dad to celebrate my 30th birthday in the Spring 3) our whirlwind 5 days in Iceland which I can honestly only describe as EPIC 4) arriving in Canada just in time to celebrate Caleb's 2nd birthday with all my family (including my brand new baby nephew!) 5) flower school with my sisters (which also represents all the time I spent in the summer creating just for fun and taking some of the pressure off of my creative-self) 6-7) our road trip up to Haida Gwaii (and back) which was not only an incredible adventure but also represented a real emotional turning point for me this year in getting some of my priorities straight 8) a spontaneous trip to Seattle with my mom & sister 9) and finally, launching Homestead this Fall, which was the bright spot in a rather difficult few months and a true labour of love that I couldn't be prouder of.