Recently I've been completely overwhelmed by all the ideas swimming around in my head. I've got exciting plans and dreams and goals that I'm hoping to work towards. I could spend hours devoted to the projects I've dreamed up in my mind.
I remember long, coffee-soaked, solitary creative mornings. Writing and knitting and scheming. I felt proud of the work that I did and I enjoyed the process of following my creative whims wherever they took me.
But this is not the season for that. This is the season of playing on the floor, of long walks pushing the buggy, of holding a baby wide eyed with wonder up to the window to see the birds.
Of course, there are moments of creativity snapped up here and there- nap times, and evenings, moments when papa takes over. But I always feel like this is borrowed time- snatched and stolen and frantically running out. I multitask a mile a minute in order to get to as many things as I can.
And that's not all that conducive to good work.
And so. I've decided to arrange childcare. It's minimal- a few hours of babysitting a week, while I work away in the other room. It feels indulgent and sacred and glorious all at the same time. I know it will take me much longer to plod through that list of ideas than it would have previously, but like I said, this is not the season for that.
my baby will be a baby for just this short amount of time and I don't want to miss that while trying to do ALL the things. But I'm also learning that it's more than okay to do some of them- it's good even. Important. This is the balance that I've found for me and my family- something that every mother (and really, every creative) has to figure out for herself. It looks different for everyone and that's okay- we're all doing our best and that is more than enough.
So hopefully you'll see some big things from me in the next year. Watch this space.