a week with my sisters

this past week my sister & (soon-to-be) sister in law were here visiting Waldi & I (and Baby Werwai!) from Canada. It was an amazing fun-filled whirlwind week and today I wanted to share a few photos from our time together here on the blog. 

These last few weeks before our baby is born are quickly dwindling down and we're getting so excited to meet him. But we sure are enjoying our last few pre-baby adventures. I so loved having my sisters here for these precious days together- it's a time I know I'll look back often on. The part where they leave is always hard and all of yesterday I was thinking about them on their flight, landing home at the airport (the smell of Tim Hortons in the air...) and feeling so homesick. But I'm so thankful for every day we had together. Until next time girls! 

Here's a brief look at what we got up to in the last week!

 breakfast & pedicures in the Oberstadt (the old part of the city) to welcome them to town.

an impromptu photoshoot on the way to the movies...

on the Saturday I had a joint baby shower with a friend. So much decorating and so many delicious treats! I can't believe how special it turned out, and it was amazing to have so many of my friends & family there to celebrate our baby. 

 we spent the mornings leading up to the party decorating & baking, picking up fresh flowers from the market and re-arranging our entire apartment to accommodate all the guests. What an amazing feeling to have a house full of women to celebrate with us. It was quite simply overwhelming! 

I never could have pulled it off like this by myself so thanks girls for all your help! 

sunny Sunday afternoon walks while visiting some of the surrounding villages with friends.

 buying friendship bracelets & lunching at a favorite cafe 

 despite the not-always-cooperating weather we had to fit in a little sight seeing: the Elisabeth Kirche & Marburger Schloss are simply must-sees. 

 an amazing birthday breakfast of Dutch Babies cooked by Waldi, decorated by Beth and cleaned up by Abby...I didn't have to do a thing and felt so spoiled! 

goodbye dinner out with friends. delicious food & warm enough to sit outside! 

also:

this trip was basically brought to you by the letter B: birthdays, baby bumps, breakfasts, bakeries & Birkenstocks- both girls bought their first pair...

love you girls. come back and visit us soon! 

(photos are a mix taken by all three of us, plus Waldi)  

love where you live

 so today I have a confession to make.

most of the time I love this little city we call home. I love the old buildings and narrow streets, the castle on a hill. I love the cute cafes hiding around every corner and the parks by the river. And I really love that you can get all the way across the city centre on foot in less than 20 minutes. 

But there are times when Marburg to me feels just too small. 

Times when the West Coast girl in me just wants to go to Starbucks. Or, you know, the beach. When these narrow streets & same old cafes and shops seem tired. When it would be nice to spend the day in a large, bustling city without an hour long train journey to arrive there. 

And when this happens, I often try and take a little time to see my city through new eyes. I take a walk, visit favorite places, wander. Take some photographs. Maybe try a new cafe or visit a favorite reading bench.

Because the truth is, there's beauty everywhere. 

And you don't need a Starbucks to see it. 

photos from the last three years of Spring in Marburg

the difference a year makes

It's Christmas Eve morning. One of the most magical mornings of my childhood- the one where all the festivities are just on the brink of beginning. I still remember that innocent anticipation: there would be church tonight, and candles, a Christmas dress and fancy shoes. And tomorrow morning, waking my younger siblings at the break of dawn for presents and cinnamon buns, my parents with tired eyes and coffee mugs. 

This year, I sit at our well-loved table with my (decaf) coffee, look out at the view I've seen every morning these three years. The stockings are hung, the candles lit. Presents are wrapped and hiding out until tomorrow morning, when there will be cinnamon buns- though no longer quite at dawn. 

It's only been a year and in some ways, everything's the same. Same table, same view. Same Christmas star hanging in the window. Tonight there will be delicious food and we'll watch Home Alone again. Tomorrow there will be meals shared with friends new and old, a train ride, family (here and on Skype). Same traditions, same holiday, very similar menu.

And yet one year ago today it was all different. Everything's changed, even while nothing's changed. We are not the same people we were last year, not even the same family. There is a 17 week old baby celebrating Christmas with us this year. Two days ago we saw that baby through the ultrasound wiggle their fingers and toes, almost like they were waving hello. 

And we too are different people. Our lives and hearts are expanding as we get ready for this baby to arrive on this earth. We've had so many experiences of joy this year, but they've also been undercut by intense pain and sorrow. The journey to where we are today has not been easy and walking it together has deepened our relationship, has changed us. 

So this morning, on this Christmas Eve I want to hold onto this moment- with this table, this view, these candles. Sometimes when we're slogging through the routines of everyday life, it can be difficult to see where we've come from. We are a million miles from last December, though we sit here in this same apartment. And I don't ever want to forget the magic of all that can happen in just one year. 

a lovely day to celebrate

on Monday I turned a whole year older. (yes, my birthday is on Star Wars Day- May the Fourth be with you) 

Usually I'm not one to celebrate much. I tend to get rather reflective and nostalgic on my birthday. Melancholy might even be a good word. But this year was a little different. 

We didn't do anything big or fancy. A few fulfilled traditions- Waldi baked me cinnamon buns for breakfast, and wrote me a birthday letter. We went for Tapas at one of my favorite restaurants in the evening. I skyped with my family all over the world. A few new traditions maybe- we made strawberry pie and the season's first asparagus. Invited friends over for dessert in the afternoon. Enjoyed cappuccinos in the park. 

All in all it was one ordinary-extraordinary day. 

And that's what I love most. I love celebrating by taking the time to mindfully do all my favorite things with my favorite people. Because really, age is just a number. (I turned 27) But while making one more trip around the sun, I've learned and grown and had so many experiences that are worth celebrating. I'm not who I was 3 birthdays ago or even one birthday ago. And that's the way it should be. It's even worth celebrating. 

So. That being said, I thought I would share a few photos from the day here in this space, mostly for my own memories, but also because it's just fun to share!

cappuccinos from the little cafe in my favorite park

lunch by Waldi (I will always choose green asparagus over white)

pie by me (I used this recipe)

on our way home from eating tapas. yum!

on being a hostess

I've never considered myself much of a hostess. To be honest, when I got married I hadn't really had a lot of experience with cooking, and for the first year of our marriage Waldi (because he's an ingenious cook) made most of our meals and I made the salads and washed the dishes. I also struggled a lot with inviting people into my home. 

In Vancouver we lived in an old apartment building with a stellar view. Our apartment was very small and also very sparsely decorated. This was mostly because we had no money, but also because somewhere (deep) in the back of our minds, was the possibility that we would maybe be moving halfway around the world at some point and we were thus hesitant to collect a ton of possessions. Anyways, all this to say, I was embarrassed of our lack of cute Pinterest-y decor, and quite simply furniture and therefore struggled with inviting anyone other than my family over. 

Fast forward several years to us living here in Marburg, on the top floor of an old apartment building with a stellar view and, you guessed it- not a lot of furniture. It takes awhile to build up a household again, but because of the nature and culture of our group of friends (and because of the fact that eating out here is quite expensive) we found ourselves opening our door quite frequently and inviting our new friends into our tiny apartment. 

Slowly, we got more furniture and I got more comfortable with inviting people over (and started to cook more often too). And somewhere along the way, I became captivated by the magic that happens when we bravely invite people into our homes and create a space for them to tell their stories. I was surprised to discover that I love being hostess. Welcoming people into my home, cooking them a delicious, healthy meal and sharing conversation together around the table. Who knew? 

For me, this is not about performance. It's not about how much furniture we have (once friends of ours even brought their own chair to a party...), how cute our decor is, or even how good the food tastes. I've learned it's ok to ask people to bring a salad or desert and it's more than ok that we don't have enough matching dishes. It's even ok that we sometimes have to sit around our coffee table (on the couch or even on cushions on the floor) in order to find enough room for everyone. It's not perfect, but it's also just not that important.

What's most important is creating a place at our table where people feel welcome to sit down and stay awhile, to be themselves and to share their stories, and of course, to break bread with us, whether they are good friends we know and love, or new friends we have yet to get to know. People who share our values, or those we have nothing in common with. 

So my friends, here's to life around the table with you, to many more evenings spent in each other's homes, eating and talking and learning together. Bravely opening our doors even though what's inside is less than perfect and at times quite simply messy.

And I sincerely wish all of you many lovely meals shared around the table with those you love. 

home for Christmas

photo taken last year while wrapping gifts at my parent's kitchen table

These past weeks have been a bit rough for me. Don't get me wrong. I love Christmas in Germany. For real. Visiting the Christmas Market and baking Plätzchen and drinking Glühwein. Christmas with Waldi's giant family. Hanging up the paper star in our window. Taking part in Advent services and celebrations. It's all good- great even. 

But the truth is that all I really want is to go home for Christmas. No amount of DIY gifts, or decorations, or singing German carols is going to make up for this. I want to go home. I want cookie baking with my mom, decorating the tree with my siblings and trying to guess what my dad (the best gift-giver) got for everyone. I want cinnamon buns on Christmas morning and the crazy games my family always ends up playing after dinner, with the soundtrack to Charlie Brown's Christmas on repeat. 

And to be honest I'm mostly just writing this because somehow it makes me feel better to say it out loud. To admit that while I'm here, hanging our hand knit stockings, lighting the candles of our advent wreath, and trying so hard to be present, where I really want to be is there. To say that, although it's hard, we'll be bravely celebrating anyways. Because it's Christmas and I don't know the cure for homesickness. And because there is still much to celebrate. 

me too

Sometimes, there is nothing better than coffee & conversation with good friends. There is nothing better than doing life together, than sharing honestly what you're feeling and hearing those two beautiful words in return: me too. I understand. It's ok.

Or, perhaps better said: ich auch. Ich verstehe. Es ist ok.

Because somehow these moments & conversations happen in German. I myself am mostly still shocked about this. When we first moved here, my one greatest fear was that it would take me years to ever make real friends. That I would never be able to go deeper than my every-day-text-book-recite-by-heart German. There's only so many times you can ask someone their favorite colour after all... 

It's a scary thing (as a writer & youth worker) to be suddenly surrounded by people you cannot communicate with. I often say that for me, one of the hardest things about moving to Germany was that I felt I had a new personality. Everything I knew how to do, everything I was gifted at, involved words. Listening to them, writing them, creating a safe space for others to speak them and sometimes even getting up there and speaking them myself. It was an almost cruel twist of fate that took that away from me so quickly. 

And so, I did the only thing I knew how to do at the time- I abandoned my own words- my margin-scrawled poems & heartfelt conversations...these things that betrayed me in my new home, and picked up my language textbooks (and knitting needles!), my brain swimming with foreign sounds that hid the new words I was trying so hard to learn. 

But somewhere along the road things got a little better. I started this blog. I made some very patient friends. And slowly, slowly the words came back. I started writing again. I met with people who became my dear friends, first in coffee shops for awkward conversations where I stumbled over my words and then slowly (oh so slowly) got a little better...

and I think what's so beautiful for me about those times- when the coffee is gone and we talk on (and on...) is that I've been given a gift I never thought I would receive. I can more than get by in this language. Sure, I can make myself understood but I can also communicate with complete honesty what is in my heart. And I can understand what is uttered in return.

And somehow in those moments the words ich auch are even more beautiful than me too. Because I know the journey I had to take to make it here, I know what it took to be able to understand them. 

Still. I wouldn't hold your breath for a post in German here any time soon. I still haven't cracked the code that is writing with correct German grammar...

Autumn: a love letter

I am a Fall girl at heart. 

There is just no getting around this. I am a West Coast Canadian- born and raised in a temperate climate where I didn't often need sunscreen and almost never wore a winter jacket. These in between seasons of spring and autumn have been (and always will be) my time. 

But there is something special about Autumn that I just can't get over. 

I love curling up on the couch with plaid shirts & cozy sweaters, steaming mugs of vanilla chai and pumpkin flavored everything. 

Crisp mornings spent beneath the dome of coloured leaves, waiting for the mist to rise, sunlight revealing the rusty tones of an October day. 

I love lighting candles in the early evenings, a warm soup bubbling away on the stove, a loaf of bread in the oven. The calm, even clicking of my knitting needles, and Waldi's occasional page turning the only soundtrack we need. 

Pulling out last years hand knits- the mustard yellows, deep burgundys, forest greens...the never ending shades of brown. Celebrating the hours that went into making each item by wearing them again. 

I love the smell of falling rain on fallen leaves. Of smokey firewood and pine trees and freshly sharpened pencils. Of Thanksgiving day pumpkin pie. Of cinnamon apple cider enjoyed outside around a Halloween bonfire. 

These rituals are a comfort to me, reminding me of my home. These Fall months and days and evenings resonate within me, awakening my senses and calling out my creativity. 

So if you're looking for me in the next few months, you will probably find me standing beneath that tree, smelling those leaves and filled to the brim with joy and excitement.  

And of course, I wanna know- what do you love about Fall? 

on two years

 two years ago today, I set foot in this country with no home, no friends, and no grasp of the culture and language. I was a little bit excited, somewhat scared and almost confused to find myself in completely new surroundings. The photo above is the first photo we took after arriving in Germany. I'm not even sure why we took it, as it's not exactly a picturesque location. We are smiling, but I can assure you, we were freaking out. 

Moving across the world without proper plans is a really tough thing to do. There were more tears and frustration than I could have expected, our fear and uncertainty often getting the better of us. But today, as I reflect on the past two years, I don't want to talk about the negative. 

Instead I want to focus on where we've come. When I look at this photo I see two people who don't yet know how hard they're going to have to work to re-build a community for themselves, to find their place, and to feel at home. But the truth is, we did it. The truth is that two years later, I feel at home here. The truth is that I can now admit, I would be sad to have to pack up and leave. 

Because this is where we are meant to be. I know this is true when Waldi gets home from class and can't stop talking about what he's learning. I know it's true when we have friends over for meals and talk late into the night (in GERMAN, I should add...) because our conversation is that good. I know it's true when we have the opportunity to work towards a better world together with people we've met in this city, to make a difference in the place where we are- even if at first, I didn't really want to be here. 

And today, I mostly just feel thankful. For every person who's made our life here a little bit easier, who's made us feel a bit more at home. For the place we find ourselves in, our jobs, school and community that fill us up with life. 

And of course, to those two very scared, very brave individuals in the photo above. For all the hard work, the mistakes made and lessons learned that brought us to where we are today. 

Bring on the next two years.     

our vacation part one: Hamburg

last week Waldi and I went on a short vacation to celebrate our 3 year wedding anniversary. We decided to spend one day exploring Hamburg and then several days on the small Danish Island of Fejø. It was the perfect combination of city exploring and calm relaxing by the ocean. Here's Part 1 in photos! 

(note: please excuse the quality of these- they were taken with Waldi's phone!)

Though we didn't have long in Hamburg, it's probably my favorite German city I've yet seen. It's a port city, and while it's still quite different from Vancouver, I started feeling a little homesick! 

We arrived in the late afternoon and after finding and checking into a hotel, we headed out to explore. We walked through the Schanzenviertel, a (heavily gentrified) neighborhood filled with little parks, shops and cafes and ended up (by plan of course...) at Mylys (literally, My Local Yarn Store). I was really impressed with the selection- high quality hand spun & hand dyed yarns from both here in Europe and elsewhere. They also had an incredibly extensive selection of English knitting magazines. I fell absouletly in love with a skein of MadTosh sock, and could have browsed for hours! Thankfully Mylys also has a cafe so Waldi could sit with his coffee and read the paper while I looked around. If you knit and are anywhere near Hamburg you really have to visit! 

Next we headed down to the water to see the Lion King musical. This has been a dream of Waldi's for years, and a friend of our's kindly gifted us tickets! It was an incredible experience. The theatre is across the harbor, so there's a small ferry that takes all the guests across. (Again, this made me slightly homesick for the SeaBus...) And the musical itself is so engrossing, I forgot it was in German :)

After the musical we grabbed a quick snack at Brücke 10. This was a great little spot at the end of the St Pauli Landungsbrücke, just past all the major tourist spots. We had Fish Brötchen and Fritz Cola, which comes from Hamburg. While we were eating, we watched a large container ship pull out of the harbor- something that apparently doesn't happen all to often. Even the locals were snapping photos!

The next morning we managed to grab a quick breakfast before heading out on the road. Somehow we stumbled across a Canadian-style diner: Mamalicious. We didn't even realize it until we sat down and opened the menu. (you can't see it in the photo, but it says in English we only serve real Canadian maple syrup). They had bottomless coffee, pancakes, AND Canadian style french toast! 

We had a really great time, though we both wished we had a bit longer to explore. Oh well, I guess we'll have to go back soon!

Part 2 on Monday.

life around the table

earlier this week we had a few friends come to stay with us. Jess & Jemma are both Brits who spent several years in Canada, working and doing life together with Waldi, myself and many other lovely people. It was so great to see them both after 3 & 4 years (respectively), to catch up on life, show them our town, and enjoy a little time off together. 

These days spent together reminded me of a few things. First, I am so SO thankful for friendship in my life that gets better with age. It is so incredibly wonderful to see people again that you haven't seen in years and realize that you are able to still be yourself around them, to be honest and deep and process through old memories with it's needed. And then to (effortlessly) switch gears and have a good hard laugh. 

I noticed in the past few days how refreshing it is to spend time with people who have known you for years, and who accept that your journey has brought you new places...while at the same time realize that things also haven't changed all too much :) 

The second thing that I was reminded of is how much I believe in doing life together around the table. Somehow (completely unconsciously) the ideas and "plans" Waldi and I made for the days spent together had mostly to do with food: sitting around the table and doing life together. Jemma made the observation on our second night together that we had basically shared communion- bread and wine, community, honesty and friendship. You guys, I believe in this with all my heart- life together around the table. It was so wonderful and refreshing to know that it's still possible though years have passed!

Thank you Jess & Jemma for taking the time to come and see us and do life with us for just a few days. We're grateful for you both! (and I know I'll think about getting stuck in that rain storm together often in the weeks to come!)

slow down

last weekend we went on vacation in the Eifel- a forest about 2 hours SW of Marburg. It was a really lovely time of hiking in the woods, enjoying delicious food and spending time at the lake. Being together, and taking time out of our schedules and routine to slow down a bit. 

Earlier this week (once we arrived home again and our routines had picked back up in full swing...) I read Notes from a Blue Bike, a new book by Tsh Oxenreider. This book had so much to say to me in my current stage of life and I felt like I learned something on every page. But perhaps the thought that has stuck with me the most in the past few days is the idea of slowing down. 

I fully believe in movements such as slow food, or slow fashion (as evidenced on this blog). But if I'm honest with myself, I will often go through the motions (cooking meals from scratch, making my own salad dressing, knitting myself a garment, or mending clothing by hand) without actually slowing my mind down long enough to fully benefit from these actions. Though I've taken time in my schedule to "slow down", for me these tasks are often tacked onto the end of my to-do list. I check them off so that I can feel productive. So that I don't have to worry about not accomplishing anything in those moments. 

But I am tired of feeling guilty because I have free time to spend with my husband, to read a book, or create something with my hands. I am tired of constantly running through the to-do list in my head- sometimes at the expense of the very real needs of others. I am tired of getting into bed at night and asking myself as I reflect on the day that's just passed, how productive it was. 

So. 

I am trying to approach the time I have each day with gratitude and to savor each moment as it is given to me. To hold my routine, my goals and lists a little more loosely, so that I have time and space to notice and respond to the needs of those around me. To ride my bike without any particular destination, simply noticing the day as it unfolds around me. 

I am trying to change the questions I ask myself as I fall asleep. Rather than how productive was I today? I'd like to ask things like: 

Where did I find beauty in my routine? 
How well did I love? 
Did I enjoy this day as it was given to me? 

thoughts on being brave

sometimes, being brave is so worth it. Actually...let's change that. MOST of the time, being brave is so worth it.

The latest example of this for me is the new aerobics class I've joined. I was terrified to take a fitness class in German, imagining everyone nicely following instructions and me, in the back, wilding flailing about, attempting to understand what was being said. But exercising alone is so...well...lonely. 

And I'm happy to say I gave it a try and was so pleasantly surprised! Not only could I keep up just fine, but no one is paying attention to me when they're working out anyways. Haha...I should have known! 

birthday lovliness

Yesterday was a lovely day to have a birthday! We had a simple celebration with coffee and cake at our apartment- never have we crammed so many people in here! I am so thankful to have so many wonderful friends and to have such an incredible husband who spoils me every once in awhile. 

I will be remembering this birthday for a good long time.

Marburg in the Spring

I've been mentioning recently that Spring has arrived in Marburg, and today I thought I would show you. Last week, Waldi and I managed to both take a full day off (the same day even!) and we spent it wandering the streets of the Oberstadt (old city), hoping in and out of bookshops, drinking espresso at a sidewalk cafe and reading in the park. Here are a few shots from the day. 

This is such a cute little corner of the city. I love the flowers planted on the edges of this little path (and of course, the red door!)

I just love the color of this bike that someone left parked in one of my favorite reading spots! 

I also love Magnolia trees. They bloom for such a short time, but it sure is lovely! 

It's even spring outside one of my favorite cafes! 

A group of women meet every Sunday to crochet together, and then decorate items in their neighborhood. Maybe I'll have to join them one of these weeks!

the view from another one of my favorite reading spots. Everything's prettier with a few blossoms.

And there you have it- a few shots of a wonderful day.