Monday, March 16, 2015

knitting through loneliness



Waldi came home last Tuesday. And things are slowly returning to normal around here. 

It was rough being all by my lonesome. I know, it was only 24 days and I'm being slightly over dramatic. But the truth is that without Waldi I don't feel much at home here. I had several moments (after he'd be gone for weeks, and we'd shared one solitary email) where I quite literally thought HOW did I end up here? This is not my city. This is not my language... Normally, although it's not my city or my language, I still somehow feel that it's my home. At least for now. But with Waldi gone, I can assure you, I was seriously doubting that as well. It felt a bit like floating, or being slightly off balance. And it was hard.

So of course, I turned to knitting (and the Gilmore Girls, but that's another story...). Waldi took his Christmas hat into the mountains for three weeks and was worried that it would get ruined. So I started another. It was just a simple k1p1 ribbed beanie, but it was soothing to me to tangibly be making something for him while he was gone. No, it didn't stop me from feeling lonely, but somehow, in it's own small way, it helped.

I've experienced this healing power of knitting before. When we first moved here, I felt all the feelings- I was overwhelmed, confused, a bit lost, stressed, and lonely. I missed my family and my home and my language. Of course I had all these things here too, but they were still new and unfamiliar and the result was that I often felt very alone. I didn't have a lot of people to talk to who were experiencing the same thing as I was. Of course I made friends in my Sprachkurs (language school) but since we were all learning German together, the extent of our conversations usually revolved around questions such as what is your favorite colour? or what did you do yesterday? (believe it or not, I used to get Waldi to write down these simple questions and then I'd memorize them before class each morning so I had SOMETHING to ask, even if sometimes I couldn't even understand the answers).

But what does all this have to do with knitting? Well, I can assure you that I'm not being overdramatic when I say that knitting saved me in these first few lonely months. I had always wanted to be a serious knitter- to progress from scarves and cowls- and this was my chance. Armed with needles brought from home and yarn ordered online, I slowly started teaching myself more and more complicated projects. The process was healing for me- it gave me something to focus on that I enjoyed, it helped quiet down the foreign vocabulary screaming for my attention all day and it made me feel connected to my family and where I came from. 

I'm not sure why I'm writing all this out today, except that it's been on my mind recently and I wanted to share. I know I'm not alone in this experience, and that many others have discovered knitting to be soothing, healing, relaxing and just plain fun.

Knitting is just so totally rad. Like for real. The best.

(I recently saw this survey, which talks a little bit more about some of the healing powers of knitting. These aren't secrets, but it was interesting to read the results all the same)

11 comments:

  1. I'm totally with you on this - knitting has been a lifeline for me on many occasions...it has helped me meet friends, kept my fingers and mind busy at times of stress and grief and has allowed me to gift friends and family with a physical expression of my love. I am also lucky enough to have been the recipient of wonderful hand knit items which make me feel loved even on the lowest days...
    I'm glad that knitting has seen you through this loneliness and hope the hat was gratefully received on Waldi's return! :)

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    1. oh, yes! you're so right- both giving and receiving hand knit items can be done with so much love. We're so blessed that we have this skill we can us to bless our loved ones!

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  2. I agree with you about knitting being helpful for all kinds of things-I've knit through stress, grief, joy, and plain old boredom, and it's always been comforting to have my yarn and needles nearby whenever I need something familiar.

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    1. so true- familiarity is not to be overlooked! It's amazing how something so simple as knitting can comfort us is such huge ways.

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  3. I so relate and empathize with this. Knitting carried me through a very rough year when I was dealing with the end of a relationship and floundering professionally. I poured my heart into making things, and it gave me direction and solace. It also led me to blogging and eventually starting The Hungriest Knitter. Even now, I'm feeling a bit anxious about having both my boyfriend and my roomie out of town for the next week, so thank goodness for the comfort of needles and yarn.

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    1. knitting can be such a solace! I'm glad that it provided you with comfort and direction and of course, that it let you to blogging and podcasting- The Hungriest Knitter is such a lovely contribution to this fiber community! I wish you happy knitting while your boyfriend and roomie are away and hope that your needles and yarn will provide that extra comfort and company you need until they return.

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  4. Lovely post and I'm sure it resonates with many of us who have turned to our knitting as a form of company and meditation. I imagine that teaching ourselves any type of craft helps us use those "lonely" hours in productive ways which, in the end, can't help but make us feel better.

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    1. yes, I think you're right- part of the comfort of spending that time knitting is knowing that there will be something to show for it at the end!

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  5. Thank you for sharing this dear Ruth! Knitting has carried me through many different sorts of loneliness too - the isolation of chronic illness, the ache of separation from my dearest whilst I finished my studies and like you the bewilderement of finding myself living in a foreign country and a foreign language after the initial excitement had worn off. I suppose I've always turned back to knitting to see me through because it's the one thing that is "me" even when other parts of my life have been pulled away, it is the language I can "speak" fluently, even when I'm in a foreign place.

    And hooray that your dear husband is returned to you! I'm curious, may I ask what he was doing in the mountains for three weeks?

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    1. it's true- there are many different types of loneliness and we all experience it differently, but I'm glad that you could relate and that you've found solace and comfort in this craft. I totally resonate with knitting being a language you can speak in a foreign place- somethings just knowing you're "fluent" in something while trying to sort out all the foreign sounds around you is the best kind of comfort there is.

      (oh, and Waldi was in the mountain region in the south of Ethiopia with his Uni. He's a geographer and they travelled down there to study flora and fauna, weather and climate patterns and to look at how humans have changed the landscape. Very interesting and a wonderful opportunity for him, but I'm sure glad to have him back!)

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  6. I'm glad Waldi is back and you feel better! Being lonely and feeling disconnected from everyone around you is terrible. Loved the knitting survey and it's so true. It's no wonder craft projects are used in therapy so often (I know several people who have done therapy and it's always doing things by hand - preparing food and cooking, taking up painting etc. - that really felt good for them!). I definitely know knitting is a psychological need for me and even though it sounds dramatic I couldn't imagine not knitting in my life.

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